Within this past week, three of my friends have gotten their wisdom teeth removed. I always knew this day was coming, but now I can sense the time is approaching and for some reason, when it comes to mouth issues, I am always extra squeamish which does not help the situation. Yesterday I visited one of my puffy-cheeked friends and couldn't help but cringe at the sound of how uncomfortable the past 2 days have been for her. I got squeamish just hearing her talk about it. Now, the idea of laying in bed watching movies all day and eating nothing but milkshakes and ice-cream didn't sound so wonderful. Instead, all I wanted to do was just snap my fingers and the whole process be all over! As much as I will beg and plead with my mother to not make me go, I know that the process is inevitable...there is no escaping it. But once you do it, once you get it over with, yeah it's painful and yeah it just plain sucks BUT it's only a momentary trouble and then you're done :)
Recently God has been nudging me. Nudging me to look past the circumstances in my life and trust Him. Yesterday was a pretty low-point day for me. Stuff that I had shoved under the rug of my heart, which has slowly been seeping out, came bursting through the seams. I have been avoiding talking about, thinking about, and even praying about some things but finally the reality of it all hit me in the face yesterday. As much as I don't want it to happen, it's unavoidable. I spent all day being mad. Just plain mad. I have a right to be mad don't I? I'm being forced to move out of my house, which is right next to my best friend, into a small condo RIGHT when I return from my trip to Africa. Immediately returning from a long trip, the greatest thing in the world is to come to your own home and sleep in your own room. Yeah it sounds stupid to be upset about that and I even admitted that I was being a brat, but I didn't care. I was not going to move ESPECIALLY in the midst of getting ready for college. Maybe I'm just mad at the situation or maybe I'm just stubborn but all I knew in that moment is that i did not want to do it. But, we can't stay in our house anymore and that's that. Every fiber in me does not want to do this.
After I left the house to visit my friend, my mom texted me Philippians 4:13. I looked it up on my phone just to have the words in front of me even though I've had it memorized practically all my life. It was The Message version and it said, "Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." wow...but then I thought, do I even trust God anymore? Do I really believe what I have said I believed all my life? I certainly haven't been acting like I do considering I feel like I'm drowning under the weight of having to carry all my frustrations that I simply won't let go of. But that's not how Jesus wants us to live is it? For He says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
I've been pushing Jesus away and in turn felt miserable. I asked myself yesterday as I was driving if I thought I could live life without Jesus. People say you can't, even God says you can't, but do I really say that you can't? Well, now's my opportunity to see! But I already know the answer to that...I KNOW that I can't live life without Jesus because I've already tried it! We all have, in our own way. Now is a perfect chance to act on what Jesus says and test it out! But I already know I won't be disappointed :) so even though I don't want to go through with what I have to go through, it's only a light and momentary trouble and I don't have to do it alone. After all it could be worse right? :)
