come to save us.

there's a christmas song, actually a really melancholy song, that goes "i wish i had a river i could skate away on..."
as sappy and depressing as that might sound, sometimes it can be ever so true. i wish i could just skate away on a river far away from life. from college and school. from worry. from fear. from disappointment. from sadness.
actually it's sort of true in my life right now. at least my life 2 hours ago.
you know, there's so much pressure to have the "perfect christmas" but sometimes that just isn't possible.
life happens. families argue. you might be a little "down in the dumps".
but life doesn't stop just because "it's christmas time".

it's so easy to get caught up in your own mind isn't it? to focus on all that isn't right rather than all the the things that are.

i love going to church but honestly, tonight, the last thing i wanted to do was sit through a christmas eve service with a smile on my face pretending that everything in my life was "okay".
but then, during the service, the band played a song called "come to save us" by Sons and Daughters. I had never heard it before. yet the words and notes were so simple that it penetrated me right to the heart.
despite all that we do, CHRIST is the one who redeems, forgives, and makes us new. He came down on earth (which after living in heaven is a big step DOWN when you think about it) to save us. to change our lives. to show us that we don't have to get caught up in all that this world has to offer and live with JOY, PEACE, and the HOPE of a future with Him forever. what a gift.
sometimes i try to soak in "the true meaning of christmas" that it almost doesn't make sense, you know what i mean? like it's so simple but every year i want to learn something new...so i try to find something new to learn. this year it literally presented itself right before me. Jesus came. for us. and that's the greatest gift we could ever ask for. it's as simple as that.
Jesus has come to save us.

You have come to save us

You have come to save us
You have come to save us, Lord


You have a way here
You have made the clear
You have come to save us, Lord


Jesus, You're the one who saves us
You're the one who saves us
King of all the other kings on earth
You are the light and fire
You are our desire
You have come to save us, Lord
You're the hope among us
You're the peace that binds us
You have come to save us, Lord
King of all Kings
Lord of all Lords
Light of the World You shine

Tales from Africa: part one

I have just returned from my long-awaited trip to Ghana, Africa. 

I left June 30th and got back July 14th.

After practically two weeks away from home, I had many unsure expectations of how the trip would go.

But God exceeded all of them in ways I never would have predicted.

So, over the next few blog posts, I shall divulge into some little snippets of my experiences in Accra, Ghana.

Preparation:

I'm not going to lie to you, but a couple days before this trip I was dying inside...freaking out is more like it. Questionable thoughts of, "should I even GO on this trip? is this where God wants me? should i be spending this much money before leaving for college? will the fact that some of my close friends going on the trip with me become a distraction?" yes...the cycle went on and on. Not to mention, the preparation for the trip was super intense, which didn't help things since I was spending like over $100 on stuff like toiletries, long skirts and scrubs, medicine, snacks up the wazoo, work boots, and other things like that. There were nights where I would lay in my bed at night thinking about whether or not I should back out. I would talk to my friends who were already packed days before we would leave with all their stuff together and they would say, "I'm so excited! Can you believe we are going to Africa?!?" I would nod and give a half-hearted-fake, "yeahhhh..." but inside I was about to burst into tears and run away from all this fast-paced chaos. I kept thinking that if I just had more time to think it over I would feel better. But it wasn't time that I needed. It wasn't excitement that I needed. And it wasn't the right "stuff to bring" that I needed. I simply needed God. And if it took a trip to another continent to realize that was what I had been brushing to the side for the past 2 months then so-be-it...because the experiences that I had, I would not trade those for all the money in the world. 

Day 1: 

After a 10ish-hour flight from Atlanta, Georgia (even with sleeping pills, it is never fun to sleep in the upright position just saying), we were finally in Accra, Ghana!!! The feeling that "I was in Africa" did not hit me, but the wave of nose-clenching B-O from the airport definitely hit me like a hurricane. As we were departing from the airport to the outside world, everywhere I turned were dark-skinned Africans...yeah we were definitely in the minority now! Men who randomly came up to us from the parking lot kept trying to take our bags from us claiming that they would help us carry them (but actually all they wanted was money). The drive to where we would be staying (which was a college called Maranatha University College) was a culture shock within itself! The driving was terrifying as cars just did whatever they wanted coming in such close proximity with each other that to Americans, it would be considered a wreck. People would just be strolling by with HUGE baskets, stacks of food, items for sale, or laundry piled high on their heads. People would walk straight up to a moving car and try to sell stuff and random kids would just be sitting or walking beside the street. 

Once we got to Maranatha, we were greeted by Enoch Thompson, the pastor of the church that we would be partnering with and helping clean up (Messiah-Baptist Church). Little did we know that that man would greatly impact all of our lives. We had our first meal that wasn't too questionable, rice (alot of it), chicken, and water. I was surprised at how, not only edible, but how good it actually was. First fear of the trip, conquered :) 

Sleeping accommodations were pretty decent as well! I got to room with one of my close friends Meredith Velez...what a blessing she was to sleep next to every night (not to mention we both slept under her mosquito net which made us feel like two little princesses haha). Bathrooms...well at least we had toilets...now did they always flush? no. Did the water for the showers always work? yeah...definitely not (BUCKET SHOWERS ALL THE WAY) but...God blessed us in so many ways that by the end of the trip, it was nothing :) 

Oh here's our room:  

A Nudge from the Inevitable

Within this past week, three of my friends have gotten their wisdom teeth removed. I always knew this day was coming, but now I can sense the time is approaching and for some reason, when it comes to mouth issues, I am always extra squeamish which does not help the situation. Yesterday I visited one of my puffy-cheeked friends and couldn't help but cringe at the sound of how uncomfortable the past 2 days have been for her. I got squeamish just hearing her talk about it. Now, the idea of laying in bed watching movies all day and eating nothing but milkshakes and ice-cream didn't sound so wonderful. Instead, all I wanted to do was just snap my fingers and the whole process be all over! As much as I will beg and plead with my mother to not make me go, I know that the process is inevitable...there is no escaping it. But once you do it, once you get it over with, yeah it's painful and yeah it just plain sucks BUT it's only a momentary trouble and then you're done :) 

Recently God has been nudging me. Nudging me to look past the circumstances in my life and trust Him. Yesterday was a pretty low-point day for me. Stuff that I had shoved under the rug of my heart, which has slowly been seeping out, came bursting through the seams. I have been avoiding talking about, thinking about, and even praying about some things but finally the reality of it all hit me in the face yesterday. As much as I don't want it to happen, it's unavoidable. I spent all day being mad. Just plain mad. I have a right to be mad don't I? I'm being forced to move out of my house, which is right next to my best friend, into a small condo RIGHT when I return from my trip to Africa. Immediately returning from a long trip, the greatest thing in the world is to come to your own home and sleep in your own room. Yeah it sounds stupid to be upset about that and I even admitted that I was being a brat, but I didn't care. I was not going to move ESPECIALLY in the midst of getting ready for college. Maybe I'm just mad at the situation or maybe I'm just stubborn but all I knew in that moment is that i did not want to do it. But, we can't stay in our house anymore and that's that. Every fiber in me does not want to do this. 
After I left the house to visit my friend, my mom texted me Philippians 4:13. I looked it up on my phone just to have the words in front of me even though I've had it memorized practically all my life. It was The Message version and it said, "Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." wow...but then I thought, do I even trust God anymore? Do I really believe what I have said I believed all my life? I certainly haven't been acting like I do considering I feel like I'm drowning under the weight of having to carry all my frustrations that I simply won't let go of. But that's not how Jesus wants us to live is it? For He says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." 

I've been pushing Jesus away and in turn felt miserable. I asked myself yesterday as I was driving if I thought I could live life without Jesus. People say you can't, even God says you can't, but do I really say that you can't? Well, now's my opportunity to see! But I already know the answer to that...I KNOW that I can't live life without Jesus because I've already tried it! We all have, in our own way. Now is a perfect chance to act on what Jesus says and test it out! But I already know I won't be disappointed :) so even though I don't want to go through with what I have to go through, it's only a light and momentary trouble and I don't have to do it alone. After all it could be worse right? :) 

Moving the tassel from right to left

Looking out at the beach from my room’s ten story back porch…now THAT’S a view.  Watching sting rays swim in the ocean from beneath a parasail…now THAT’S a view. Looking up at the stars filling the sky above the sand…now THAT’S a view. And worshipping the Lord surrounded by my entire grade for one last time…now THAT’S a view.

These events sum up my time on my final trip with my senior class to Gulf Shores, Alabama. Throughout the 5 days, I looked around at my classmates and friends and felt like life was almost in limbo. Like someone had hit the pause button on life and all that mattered was these last few moments spending time together.

As the last night approached, I stood waiting for our grade to be summoned for the annual “share time” on the beach. In my moment of “I don’t know what to feel right now” I confided in two of my closest guy friends as we talked about how surreal all this was. “Is this really who I am?” I asked them. “Am I the person I’m supposed to be right now? Imagine if I had gone through high school with different friends, different interests, and a different personality. Would I still be ME?” We couldn’t believe that this moment was finally here. And yet, I didn’t feel anything. It was too surreal. I hadn’t planned on saying anything during the share time. I figured the grade had heard enough from me over the past few years haha. But as people began to share about how much they loved each and every person on this trip, I couldn’t let myself go without saying at least SOMETHING! After all, Little Rock Christian has been my home for 13 years…I owed it at least a “thank you”. I finally mustered the courage to stand up. It’s weird how I love getting up in front of people as someone else, but when it’s just me, with nothing standing in the way, that frightens me terribly. From the moment I opened my mouth I couldn’t hold back the tears. It had finally hit me that this was it. I couldn’t hide behind the safety of knowing exactly who my friends were, knowing exactly what classes I would take the next year, and knowing practically every face that I passed in the hallway. I spoke about how scared I was and how I didn’t know what was going to come next. But, when you think about it, all of life, school, friends, family, who you become, it all comes down to just one thing….knowing Jesus. I talked about how I had been so focused on what was in front of me that I had forgotten to look up…I had forgotten to look to God, solely to God. So I encouraged them not to miss out on God. I said what a blessing it was to know each and everyone one of them and that I loved them SO much! I have no idea if it made sense or if anyone got anything out of what I said, but in that moment, the peace of God that passes understanding fell on me.

It ‘s safe to say that that trip was a great way to send us off as a grade. Even though the idea of growing up is still so weird to me, I can look back at my years at Little Rock Christian and my senior year as a blessing. One of the chaperones on the trip, Mr. Smith, shared with us over the past 5 days that God puts people and places in our lives so that when troubles come, we can look back and remember. Remember God’s provision and how He displayed His love for us.

As I try on my “dress robes”, as I like to call them, I can’t believe that I am graduating….TODAY! But I know that whatever comes next and whatever happens, that all that matters is knowing Jesus and for now…that’s enough for me J

Piled up Laundry

It's senior year! Opportunities lay ahead, decisions for my future are to be made, and time with friends is slowly coming to a close. I tell myself that this year, will be different. This year my relationship with the Lord will be at its best, my family and I will have a tight-knit bond, and my friends and I will have the time of our lives! Little did I know that this year would NOT be what I expected. As my spare-time slowly began to dwindle, so did my oxygen as it was becoming harder to breathe under the flood of "senior year" which rushed in and took me over.

Naturally, the creative-right brained-disorganized-poor time managing girl that I am, when stress or lack of time overtake me, the likelihood of cleaning my room is a negative. To better understand this lifestyle, I shall divulge into my morning routine: I wake up to the sound of both of my alarms, which have been blaring music at me for approximately 30 minutes now, and hit the off button, thinking it is the snooze button. Oops! I have less than 30 minutes to get ready and I live 10 minutes away from school. Over-estimating how much time I now have, I wash my face, brush my teeth, put my contacts in, put my makeup on, and quickly straighten the ends of my hair (in times like these, I am grateful for my board straight hair). Now the challenging part: deciding what to wear. I scrabble through my closet for something, killing myself for not planning ahead, and finally find an acceptable choice with---oh wait NO TIME TO SPARE! Yes morning after morning, this routine becomes a habit. Because of my obsession with doing everything involving my high school, church, and every activity known to man, I did not receive the priviledge of going home right after school because of cheer practices, play practices, youth worship practices, or some sort of service project. So, coming home just in time for dinner, then a shower, and then desperately trying to stay awake to do my loads and loads of homework resulted in me never ever finding time or the desire to clean my room.

Summer has arrived! The other night I sit in my bed and realize nothing has changed. I still wake up late, get ready in a flash, am gone all day, come home late, take a quick shower, try to stay awake to read my Bible, go to sleep, and repeat the cycle the next morning. Summer has been 8 days now. I sit there and stare at the piles of clothes on my chair, the clutter on my desk, and the Bible laying in my lap. I sit there and realize that my faith has become like my room. There's so much I wish I could change, so many ways I could redecorate, but clutter has just consumed it all. I feel like Time has robbed me of quality time with just me and my room: declutteing, organizing, planning, redoing. I look at other peoples' rooms and say, "How did they do that? How did they have time for that? How did they make it look so good?" My faith, at least this year, has become the same (not every day but for alot of this year). I so badly want to feel it, see it look the way it's supposed to (like how I felt at the Passion Conference in ATL-I'll have to talk about that another time-rocked my world), uncluttered, neat, and organized. Harboarded anxieties and tensions pile upon the desk of my heart until it just looks like one big blob, unrecognizable, and numb. Sometimes I even try to hide the mess by shoving it in the closet, that way when people come to visit, the room to them looks spotless. But the looming reality of the mess lingers over me like a hovering vulture. I try to act like it doesn't bother me. Like the mess is no big deal. But the reality of what my room COULD and HAS looked like brings me to a state of disappointment.

I titled this blog, "A Room with a View". I gave it that title because recently God has shown me something. That life has windows. Life has doors. And alot of times what lies behind those windows and doors is not what you might have expected. You might be disappointed. You might wish it looked a little different. BUT, it's not what you look at, but how you look at it. For our high school's last chapel, we had an open mic for seniors who wanted to share what God had been laying on their heart. In summary, I told the students that if I could give them one word to focus on in high school, it would be Perspective. I had been looking at my room, my year, my life from all the wrong perspective! Looking at my life from God's perspective, I can see that each day, however crazy or unfortunate it may seem to me, is only a light and momentary trouble. I can't afford to compromise my time with the Lord (my time "cleaning my room") with school work, hanging out with friends, time, or sleep. Because in the long run, all that matters is my relationship with the Lord and how I live that out.

Check out 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (Message)